Tough times? Here are the 6 Rs that you need in your 🧰 Resilience Toolkit right now...

Just in case you’re feeling it right now too, here are 6️⃣ Rs in my Resilience Toolbox 🧰 - ONE TO SAVE for tough days!

These dark, cold, grey ☁️ days can weigh on me, especially when my Antipodean bones are aching for sunshine ☀️ and long balmy evenings.

1️⃣ RECOGNISE what’s there.

Don’t just hope it goes away and ignore it!

When you suppress unpleasant emotions they get bigger through a process called ‘amplification’. As mindfulness teacher Lotty Roberts says, “when you avoid difficult emotions they go to the gym and lift weights”.

2️⃣ REMIND yourself that you can do hard things.

This draws upon Dr Carole Pemberton’s Resilience Recycling work, where you use your learnings from past adversities to support you with current challenges.

In this case, I know that I’ve made it through the last 13 winters in the Northern Hemisphere.

3️⃣ REACH OUT and get support.

My friend Ali, a brilliant therapist at Tilia Therapy, delivers such a powerful “ooof” in response to some of my messages, that she doesn’t need to say any more.

In those four characters, I feel heard and seen.

4️⃣ REMOVE the “it’ll always be like this” feeling - find a manageable end state.

This gem came c/o my pregnancy yoga teacher Amelie Creswell of First to Fourth who told me “You can do anything for 90 seconds”, aka the average length of a contraction. And suddenly, it wasn’t about steeling myself for the entire labour, but just for each 90-second increment.

This week my son and I counted down the days until the Winter Solstice, when the darkness reaches its peak. From then on, the days get lighter again!

5️⃣ REFRAME - the positive opposite switch.

In this case, asking myself - what is GOOD about this time of year?

This evening, my kids and I brainstormed how we could have “the cosiest evening ever” - not something you could hope to achieve when it was sunny, warm and light. We had so much fun executing this vision. 

6️⃣ RAMP UP your strengths - the things you do well AND that energise you.

Trudy Bateman, the Director of Strengths Profile is a big advocate for this.

What does this look like in practice? I shifted my to-do list around to focus on connecting great people today. Connector is one of my top strengths and it sure does fill up my tank.

What would you add?
What do you have in your resilience toolkit 🧰?

If you found this interesting - maybe you’d like to bookmark this post for a future tough day, send it on to a friend or perhaps chat to me about taking a Strengths Profile assessment to discover your unique Strengths Profile - or maybe you’d like to book me to come and chat to your team about their resilience toolkits, with our workshop The Resilient Leader?

98% of us are capable of increasing this crucial leadership skill - are you?

We’re coming to the end of Empathy Week here in the UK. It’s aimed at school kids, aged 5-18, to help them develop empathy - and it’s a great reminder for us as leaders as well.

What is the meaning of empathy?

The Empathy Week website defines empathy as “the skill to understand another person AND the ability to create space for someone to reveal their authentic self whilst reserving judgement.”

Oooof - definite alignment with our work here at HUSTLE + hush then.

I also like this explanation c/o the NYTimes, that "empathy happens when two parts of the brain work together — the emotional center perceives the feelings of others and the cognitive center tries to understand why they feel that way and how we can be helpful to them.”

Confused about empathic vs empathetic. They mean the same thing and can be used interchangeably according to our good friends at Grammarly.

Is empathy learned or genetic?

If you’re about to click away because you’re not an empathetic person, then I encourage you to read back over the first paragraph - empathy isn’t something you’re either born with or not, it can be developed!

In fact, research shows us that only 10% of our empathic capacity is genetic. Meaning 90% can be learned, and 98% of us are capable of increasing our empathy.

Why is empathy important?

Why bother building your empathy muscle as a leader? 

According to Dr. Tracy Bower, empathy is the most important leadership skill - citing a recent study that showed:

• When people reported their leaders were empathetic, they were more likely to report they were able to be innovative—61% of employees compared to only 13% of employees with less empathetic leaders.

• 76% of people who experienced empathy from their leaders reported they were engaged compared with only 32% who experienced less empathy.

• 50% of people with empathetic leaders reported their workplace was inclusive, compared with only 17% of those with less empathetic leadership.

• When people felt their leaders were more empathetic, 86% reported they are able to navigate the demands of their work and life—successfully juggling their personal, family and work obligations. This is compared with 60% of those who perceived less empathy.

How can you develop and build empathy?

A great way to train our brains and build our empathy muscle is through (you guessed it) stories. 

When we read, our brains react in the same way as if the fictional situations were real.

The American Psychology Association reports that understanding people in fictional stories can help us to better understand people in real life: “The more one practices empathy (e.g., by relating to fictional characters), the more perspectives one can absorb while not feeling that one’s own is threatened.”

Studies have also shown that people who read literary fiction performed better on tests of empathy and emotional intelligence afterward.

I’m referencing Karen Eber’s TED talk - where she explains that when we listen to a story, our entire brain starts to light up. Each of our lobes will light up as our senses and emotions are engaged.

“There's this term, neural coupling, which says, as the listener, your brain will light up exactly as mine as the storyteller. It mirrors this activity as though you are actually experiencing these things.”

What children’s books are great for developing empathy?

This year I'm challenging myself to find the leadership lessons amidst the HUSTLE + hush Kids' Book Club themes (check out our Instagram dedicated specifically to the Kids’ Book Club here). It’s a fun way of wearing my leadership coach hat, alongside my Mum hat. 

So for this week’s HUSTLE + hush kids’ book club choices, I’ve gone for the ones in our bookshelf that I find myself instinctively asking my son, “how do you think they’re feeling right now?”, the ones that open up a thoughtful space to explore someone else’s perspective and the ones that are so beautifully crafted, you can’t help but feel the neural coupling taking place.

HUSTLE + hush Kids’ Book Club Picks for 'Empathy Week'

• Grandad's Secret Giant by David Litchfield (Author)
  “I wanted the reader to feel empathy and to really think about how their actions might make another person feel. When Billy runs away from the giant, he has to stop and think about how this is making the giant feel.”

• Available on Bookshop.org and Amazon
  

• What Happened to You by James Catchpole (Author) & Karen George (Illustrator)
  “I've written my book to show how these situations can feel from a disabled child's perspective. I hope disabled kids will feel validated by it and that non-disabled kids will get a chance to see things from their disabled peers’ perspective.”

• Available on Bookshop.org and Amazon
  

• Beegu by Alexis Deacon (Author)
  “I like to say that the best books leave a good portion of the experience to the reader’s own imaginative investment. Fifty percent author, fifty percent you.” 

• Available on Bookshop.org and Amazon
  

• Cat Chat: How cats tell us how they feel by Dr Jess French (Author) & Penelope Dullaghan (Illustrator)
  “Instead of wishing that my pets could talk, I had to learn to understand the signals that these animals were already giving me.”

• Available on Bookshop.org and Amazon
  

• The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld (Author)
  “I hope to keep making books that become tools that help people start tricky conversations, and simply be more emotionally engaged overall with one another.”

• Available on Bookshop.org and Amazon
  

• I Heard Your Feelings - Flash Cards from Eeboo 

• Available on Amazon 

Like what you’ve read?

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NB: We've included links so you can buy the books from either Bookshop.org or Amazon, depending on your personal preference. These links are affiliate links, which means HUSTLE + hush gets commission for any purchases you make by clicking through on them.