It’s over 100 days since lockdown began in the UK. Despite signs of “normality resuming”, it still feels a long way from the many aspects of our lives we took for granted pre-Covid.
In line with the early throes of lockdown, searches on Pinterest in the UK for mindfulness spiked the week ending 21 March. They have since dropped off a cliff and are now the lowest they've been in the 12 months of Pinterest data – and are continuing to fall.
An indication perhaps that the initial rush of “being in the moment” faded fast and there’s frustration creeping in as we find ourselves in an “endless today” or “infinite present”.
These terms come from the American journalist Helen Rosner who tweeted the following early on in lockdown: “Today in therapy we talked about how right now we live in an infinite present. No future plans, no anticipation of travel or shows or events or celebrations. It’s an endless today, never tomorrow.”
As one of my coaching clients said recently, she misses the promise of the future and feels she has been denied the joy of planning, at least in the short-mid term.
With this bind in mind, I sought out three mindfulness experts, to ask them what it is that drew them to this practice initially, how they integrate mindfulness into their daily lives now and what mindfulness can offer us as millennials in this current moment...
New Zealander Kristy Von Minden recalls that mindfulness wasn’t always so front of mind for her: “I was a career junkie in the advertising agency world in my mid 20’s working crazy hours. I was looking after my physical health, drinking smoothies and running marathons, but on reflection, doing nothing to look after my mind.”
Following a run of persistent injuries that refused to fully heal, Kristy got curious about what she calls the mind-body connection, experimenting with meditation to great success. “A few years later I was taking my stressed-out team into the boardroom and coaching them on Mindfulness instead of PR strategy, so I decided it was time for a change and I retrained as a Mindfulness teacher and launched my business Mind Bright, which runs neuroscience-based workplace wellness workshops.”
“Mindfulness is simply paying attention to the present moment, on purpose, without judgement,” says Von Minden. “And applying kindness and non-judgement to whatever I notice, without trying to change it. Mindfulness is not so much another skill to learn or thing to add to my to-do list, but a different way of being.”
For London-based mental wellbeing coach, Tahirih McLaren-Brown, mindfulness was a gradual build into her life from a 30-day 5 minute meditation email challenge in 2013, through apps like Headspace, a regular meditation practice and then more recently, a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course. “I saw it make such a positive impact on how I thought, behave and saw the world that it just grew and grew.”
“Mindfulness to me means presence, appreciation and being the boss of your thoughts and emotions,” says McLaren-Brown. “In its simplest form it’s being present with what’s happening right now. I like to say that when you do this, not only do you appreciate the moment more, you also don’t have the space in your mind to think about the millions of things you have flying around up there. So it brings me a sense of peace.”
“The biggest gift mindfulness has given me is teaching me that our minds are pretty out of control and we let things that happen in the world push us around emotionally. But really, if we get our minds in control then our whole world can change without anything external from us actually changing. That’s why my motto is “Change your mind, change your life”.
Like Von Minden, Dr Rachel McInnes’ first foray into mindfulness was in response to personal circumstance. In McInnes’ case the lived experience of chronic illness and anxiety while balancing corporate consulting roles in NZ and the UK and later when she became very ill while she did her PhD in Western Australia.
When asked “what is mindfulness”, McInnes responds: “Mindfulness is paying attention to your immediate experiences with curiosity and acceptance. I see two parts, one is a practice which I call mindfulness meditation and the other is day-to-day mindfulness and taking “mindful moments”. I encourage my coaching clients to take these moments during sessions and on the job, especially those that are put off by the idea of structured practice.”
So, how to apply mindfulness to our lives right now? The overwhelming answer from all three experts is an acceptance of what is, and that what is (whatever that may be) is OK.
“I think the most important part of mindfulness that is of use to us now is that last word in my definition, “acceptance”,” says McInnes. “A very profound idea for me, that is often in guided practices, is the idea of not moving to shift or change your experience, what is there is OK.
“Mindfulness to me is very simple, yet a long long way from easy. Practice really does help though. It is a skill, a muscle to be flexed. I have gone from, at times loathing every second of some meditations, to now finding it mostly as pleasant as a warm bath or glass of chardonnay on a summer evening.”
“I think for many of us, our emotions have been more intense and frequent than usual,” says Von Minden. “Mindfulness has reminded me during this time that whatever I feel is 100% normal and 100% OK. Mindfulness encourages us to simply be aware of, notice, accept and welcome all emotions with kindness and compassion and reminds us that they are only temporary.”
“It’s our natural tendency to want to resist, escape from, ‘fix’ or ignore unwanted emotions such as anxiety, fear, anger and frustration. But this only makes them grow stronger and hang around longer.”
“Being in the present moment right now can suck,” says McLaren-Brown. “Why would you want to focus all your attention on being unable to do the things you want to do? Before lockdown, we were so busy. Now we’ve lost that busyness and what are we left with? Ourselves, our thoughts and our emotions. It’s been a confronting time for lots of people. We don’t have the distractions that we used to and lots of things have bubbled to the surface.”
“Right now, I see mindfulness as being really helpful in three ways. Firstly, it eases anxiety, stress and other negative emotions that are greatly affecting mental health right now. The second way it helps is by bringing us joy by noticing and appreciating the little things, filling up your day will little pockets of happiness. The last way it’s helpful is actually really uncomfortable. Mindfulness and meditation teaches us awareness of our emotions and how to sit with them, in the discomfort, instead of avoiding them. I like to remind people that negative thoughts and emotions are only uncomfortable and they’re always temporary.”
Author Matt Haig tweeted recently: “I know mindfulness is meant to be the answer but I really crave a bit of mindlessness. I don’t need to be more aware of my heartbeat or how my body and mind are feeling. I need a little less of that. I want to socially distance from myself.”
If we’re not craving mindfulness, perhaps like Haig suggests it’s mindlessness that we’re after? I put this to McInnes, McLaren-Brown and Von Minden…
“I understand this sentiment,” says McInnes. “Why would you want to pay attention when you are very stressed, sad, or in pain? Wouldn’t it make it worse? Wouldn’t four strong drinks and the related mindlessness be better? Sure in, that moment maybe it would. Unfortunately unpleasant things when pushed away tend to come back stronger.”
“For those not ready or even afraid to tap into a mind/body that is not feeling good, I recommend practices that turn your attention outwards but still have you paying attention e.g. sound or walking meditations.”
According to McLaren-Brown “I don’t think mindfulness is ever just the answer although I do sing its praises for helping with a lot of things! Do what makes you feel good or what you need - but don’t use mindlessness as a way to avoid your emotions or life. We are very good at distracting ourselves and if you’re mindlessly scrolling for hours instead of doing something important that you know is good for you (but might be a little scary), then that’s went mindlessness becomes unhelpful instead of relaxing.”
“As far as mindfulness is concerned,” says Von Minden. “No experience is right or wrong, and the less you resist it, the sooner ‘this too shall pass’. So I would just go back to the mindfulness principle of just noticing without judgement and being aware of the fact you don’t want to be ‘aware of your body’ or practice ‘mindfulness’ right now. We all have off days or weeks where we don’t feel like keeping up with the practice, but by simply being aware of it and not trying to change our experience, we are still being mindful.”
Next up, now that we have an understanding of what mindfulness is and how it can be applied generally to our current situation, I asked our experts, how to apply the practice to our roles as leaders in a virtual working world and what actionable advice they have for applying it to our careers right now… Part 2 coming soon!